Stepping Off The Pedestal Moved!!!

Moved to www.codependencyismydrugofchoice.wordpress.com See you soon!!!

Football Is Dead!

Wrapping presents today... 4 perfectly wrapped boxes with ribbons and bows down, now I am already bored of it, my neck hurts from standing, try sitting... done for now. Let's see, 10 people times 7-8 presents each, that's approximately 75 gifts. I contemplate a good cry, then head back to wrapping. Simple is better, right? "Simple isn't Santa"... decide to go with extravagant, elaborate... officially done now because I have effectively ran out of tape, go figure. Did I happen to mention that football, (holy hell!, why does my spell-checker capitalize the word, football?) Everything about football is starting to get on my nerves! If it's not acting like a proper noun and if it's not playing on every television in our house, teens will be literally playing it/gaming it on every television in the house. My dear readers, and fellow Hallmark Channel fans, this is bigger that just limited use of the household remote. Football literally makes all guys start to balk at everything Christmas... football is killing the Christmas spirit all around the world, well... all around the world that football is played simply because women are constantly trying to change the channel from football to Hallmark. Hmmm... Makes me want to go Dashing Through The Snow right this second, after all, can't finish wrapping all 75 presents until I go out and buy more tape! 

Merry Christmas To Rome

Yes! The fact That I paid $10 for a bone for a dog I really don't enjoy(ok, maybe a tiny) proves something that will be helpful to understanding this story!

First off... I do not understand why someone would deprive their child of anything that could enrich his life, besides selfishness. A Father that wants to be part of his child's life and taking responsibility is rare, in my opinion. Secondly, what happens when that same father was taken advantage of at 16.... and she is still doing it two years later? As a foster parent, our family has always supported biological relationships even when it didn't seem like the right thing to do in our hearts. Here is the thing though, it's not about our hearts, it's about the child. In my son in law's case, If it was truly about the child... Lopez, himself was also a child. He was taken advantage of by his baby's mother. He was 16 and she was 22 when their son was conceived! I seriously can't be the only person on the planet that sees the injustice or criminality of this. The fact is, this is rape no matter how you spin it. If I were Lopez's parent, she would be charged, if not for any other reason, but to have some small justice for her son. Normally I would think that separating a baby from his mother might not be in the best interests of her child, but in this case it truly is because she also has a previous conviction of injury to her other child (public record). 

Lopez's attorney counseled him to seek his own paternity test to submit to the court, before he had to put in for a court order just to save some money on the baby's mother's end of things. It's not officially court ordered at this point, but needed. Keep in mind, he is suing his baby's mother for full custody. #itwouldhavebeenhelpfultoknow that one can simply purchase a paternity kit at a pharmacy for around $20 plus an $80 lab fee. What is so crazy? I am a former healthcare provider that worked in a lab. I am also spearheading a paternal rights campaign for my son in law and I sincerely had no idea that one could buy a paternity kit at Walgreens and have the report back in less than 2 days! If not for any other reason but piece of mind!

It's been 70 days since Lopez has seen his son, because his baby's mother is... well, selfish. If you think I am being harsh, guess what she said to submitting her son, "voluntarily" to a paternity test?

Yikes! Lopez's baby hasn't seen his father in 70 of the most important, informative days in his life, his baby's mother should care about that! I feel bad for her son, I feel bad for Lopez, I feel really bad for her, whom happens to be the one standing on that horribly wobbly, unstable pedestal. Wobbly indeed, only one probation violation could blow her right over all because she has effectively built this on the back of her very own son, and his father!

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest! Ok, I will admit, the $10 bone had nothing to do with this, Merry Christmas & enjoy your bone, Rome!

I

Ahh... The Christmas Letter

Seasons Greetings! We hope this letter finds you happy and healthy!

I am going to be honest, I have really been putting this annual Christmas letter writing off this year. For one thing, so many things going on with the kids seemed to be constantly up in the air and while waiting for a resolution to report on, it occurred to me that I might be waiting forever! For another thing, most everyone has a good idea of The Idaho McCarthy Family Happenings because I blog about them 3 times per week! 

In memory of my late Grandma Renken, who actually thought the world was ending the one year I decided to skip sending a card, well... here goes...

I will start with me, my life is a whirlwind of consumption. Consumed with kids, consumed with life, but trying so hard to let go of the grammar errors,because, quite frankly, they don't really matter and that makes me happy!

Shane is working a lot. He is looking forward to taking a week off over the holiday and spending some good quality time with the family!

Josh and Allison made a go at their retail store, "Bonnie's Boutique". There was a series of events that made them shut the doors a couple of months ago. I wasn't as sad as they were, because I missed them living so far away! They moved into the tiny house in our backyard. Josh is working full time and Allison is a full time college student once again. 

Kylie was married in October to Juan Jose Lopez, Jr. (Most call him "Junior", but we call him "Lopez" because we already have one of those!) They live in the "apartment" above our garage, which I love because they are always so close! Lopez has a baby from a previous relationship that they are fighting for custody of, and he and Kylie are expecting a baby early May. For the record, I think it's a girl!

Isaac is going to be 15 next month. Hard to believe my little 4 pound preemie is taller than me now... I am really not that short! We are running out of excuses why he can't get his license until he is 30, but we will see what the future holds in that regard.

Sage just turned 13. She is in the depths of the "tween stage" for sure. A near fatal accident involving one of her besties last year allowed her some very rare "tween insight" when she was able to realize what is important in life. We all did! 

Edward (Junior) is 7 years old, missing some teeth up front, but instead of asking Santa for his 2 front teeth, he told me last night that he really wants a scooter. 

Aliyah just turned 6. She is in full day Kindergarten this year. It was bitter sweet. She asked me the other day when  she could go to the gym with me again. I do miss her while she is at school. For so long, it was just me and Aliyah!

Ahh, the gift of the Christmas letter... It's definitely hard to appreciate all of the growth in the family, simply because we see them every single day. This letter has allowed me to do just that! 

Merry Christmas to all!

Project:

I will print my Christmas letter and tuck it inside these vintage Christmas cards which I bought on EBay and mail them out to all of my friends and family. They will not only receive the gift of a blast from the past, but stay on top of all the current events going on in the family too! 

Allison's Two Children

My oldest daughter, Allison moved back home, and I say moved back when I actually mean that she moved into the tiny house in my back yard, along with her long time boyfriend, their giant Mastiff, and their very teeny tiny Pomeranian. It's been 2 months since their lives temporarily fell apart due to two crazies from a certain Idaho town known specifically for crazies. Who knew? They were able to recover some of their belongings thanks to the local PD arresting one of the ranting crazies for... well, being crazy! and they have seemed to have put the whole horrifying experience behind them and are moving on. It's never easy starting over and downsizing as much as they had to in order to fit their family into the tiny house in my back yard, which they lovingly call home now. Back to the dogs that they call children/fur babies/spoiled rotten puppies. (Ok, that last one was me!) After Kylie re-homed her dog, Sox when she was so sick a few months ago and in July, we had to put our 15 year old family Shih-Tzu down, I was pleased, relieved, and super excited to have no dogs to care for once again, because let's face it, your kids get them, but we all know who ends up taking care of them! I never realized how much work they were until they were all gone! Before I could even eliminate the family job position of "pooper scooper", Allison was back and along came Rome, the Mastiff who forgets he isn't a person, forgets to close his mouth, so giant buckets of slobber does not pour out, forgets that when he takes a seat on the couch, he will need to take in account that he will need more room than most people, and forgets that the wag of his tail can take out a small child. Then, there is Lacy, a snooty little Pomeranian who thinks the world is HER muse, not the other way around, who is a master escape artist, she can get under any fence or gate, only to freak everyone out while she out-runs any dog catcher on the planet... only to end up at my front door wondering why no one has let her in yet! She is a real piece of work. I spent all day Monday vacuuming dog hair from my couches, mopping drool off my floors, and I knew it was time to put my foot down before I got the crazies too! NEW RULE: The dogs needed to stay out in their tiny house or in the backyard. At the beginning of the cleaning rampage, I was hot with livid fury, as the rain poured down and continued, I imagined that giant dog and pretentious,"I am too good for this tiny house" Lacy cooped up and I felt kind of bad. Then their parents let them out, and I have to tell ya, it was hard watching their sad, pathetic faces at my back door, while it continued to pour down rain, regardless of their perfectly lovely dog house. The next morning, I had a change of heart, maybe just let them in occasionally was my first thought. That would be fair, was my second thought, so in they came and Lacy immediately threw up on my rug. Needless to say, I don't feel bad for their sad little needy faces at my back door anymore, but I think I have finally accepted the simple fact that "some kids give you grand babies while some kids give you dogs that they call grand babies"~AM

A Holiday Story (Part 1)

      It was the first snow fall of the season as the Holiday family finished up their Thanksgiving supper. Five tiny noses leaned against the foggy, dining room window as their foster mother took on the daunting task of dishes after such a feast that she actually began preparing a week ago, but took exactly 19 minutes to eat. With a sigh and a sweet twinkle in her eye, as she plopped her tired, tall, skinny self onto the chair, Joy looked up at her husband, Jason of 22 years and smiled. A smile that created a feeling in Jason which provoked him to smile back so big that all five children turned around from the snowy window at once. "If you all would like to go hunting for a Christmas tree tomorrow, you better hope this storm passes",Jason scorns with a smirk. All five children frown at once and scurry up to get ready for bed.

     Jason and Joy Holiday were long time High School sweethearts. Married exactly two months after graduation, they both had dreams of having a big happy family. Throughout college, they spent every second together until eventually earning degrees in education. As teachers of the local elementary school, they naturally loved the children of their small community town of Winterville, Minnesota.

     Teaching in such a small community was stressful at times. Many students in their classrooms were children of migrant farm workers. Money in the community was always tight. Even Jason and Joy experienced their share of financial strain, but when either one of them would realize a child in need, they just had to do something about it. A child without a winter jacket would have one the very next day. A child whose parent went to work before dawn, was expected to drop their child at the Holiday's, where Joy would fix them bacon and sour dough pancakes with real maple syrup and Jason would make sure they made it to school each and every day. They never expected payment or anything in return. 

     Although they always had dreams of a family, it became evident that the community's children would be their family that they dreamed of. It was unclear if there was just never time or if they made a conscious decision, but Jason and Joy Holiday would never have any of their own biological children and this was their special thing that kept them so full of love for each other. Joy could look deep into Jason's eyes and although never said, they both knew that they were happier than they could ever be. They also knew that bringing their own child into their community would only take from the other children in their lives that were already in so much need. 

     As the years passed, The Holiday's became licensed to provide foster care, so they could occasionally provide a temporary home for children in their community of Winterville. This was difficult at times, but brought Jason and Joy even closer. Sometimes, there would be as many as 10 children in their home. It wasn't rare to get a call in the middle of the night to take in an infant. Jason learned how to change diaper in 2 seconds flat and Joy learned how to be a mother of an infant in less than 2 seconds flat, which ironically is pretty much how biological parents learn too! Joy would take 2 or 3 days off as a teacher to take the child to been seen by a doctor, enable all services needed, and buy all of the things an infant or child would need. Most of the time, the children they would take in had absolutely nothing. The school had a back up substitute for Joy when this was needed, as Jason and Joy Holiday weren't the only giving people in the small community of Winterville. Joy's substitute, Mrs. Bailey was a retired teacher who volunteered her time to teach Joy's class. 

    On this Thanksgiving night, The Holiday family consisted of 5 children: 2 year old Lacey, 3 year old Jack, 6 year old twin girls: Lucy and Laura Lynn, and 12 year old "Sissy". All of the children had different biological parents with the exception of the twins. Each one was extraordinarily special and everyone had a story including the oldest, Sissy, whose parents had just passed away in a car accident over a month before. She came to live with The Holiday's while Child Protection explored other family placement for her. Sissy was a student of Jason's class and had been a student in Joy's class before that. 

     As Joy finishes up putting away the last Thanksgiving dish, and Jason heads up the stairs to read the nightly bed time story, a ring on the doorbell startles their exhausted peacefulness. It was dark and very late. The snow storm was dumping enormous amounts of snow. Joy says to Jason, "who could that possibly be in this storm?" She proceeds to the door, peeks through the window and sees nothing. As she retreats back to the kitchen, she is overcome by a feeling. A deep down something that made her go back to the door.  As she carefully opened the door, she looked down on the snow covered porch to find a cardboard box labeled "fragile, please deliver to Mrs. Joy Holiday."  Joy picked up the box and brought it inside. It's taped carelessly and as a little fear topped with curiosity begins to set in to her, she peeks inside to find a newborn baby peacefully sleeping inside and swaddled in a bathroom towel along with an envelope with nothing but a Christmas card inside. 

                                          To Be Continued...

 

Thank You For All Your Thoughts & Prayers

The day before yesterday, we had a court hearing. I watched my son in law epically fail at his attempt to fight for his son. What also came to my attention was everything he ever said to us regarding his baby's mother was, absolutely true. It completely broke my heart.

YES! it's been exactly 62 days since he has been allowed to see his son. It's established that she is officially on a mission.YES! She pulled the paternity card,"no he's not my son's father, but give me child support anyway" YES! She pulled the "I got a crappy attorney at the very last second card, don't bother over her hour lateness" or her unprofessional conduct and don't forget her very own smug smile as she gallantly trotted out of the court room. She apparently doesn't read my blog and understand what happens to people on high pedestals! Finally, YES! Lopez is a man now, taking admirable steps to make a life for his family.We are so very proud of him.Lopez should not be underestimated,he has his whole family officially behind him as of today, to be exact! oh & Hallmark Channel, how did you know that I needed something a little more? The many stockings are now hanging by the chimney with care!

Did I mention we have another grand baby on the way? Kylie has been feeling movement often, "distracting" her even!, which is cute when Lopez gets annoyed that she isn't paying any attention to what's going on around her because she is so focused on baby in the belly! She had her PICC line thankfully removed today after no need for any treatment for a couple of weeks!

We are very hopeful for the next hearing on Dec. 23, Lopez has retained the best family court attorney in the valley, thanks to my parents and their generosity and loving hearts! I also wanted to thank all of the donors on our Gofundme page!  His attorney will be on record in Lopez's custody suit by Tuesday.

Also, for the record, happiness comes from people that love you, not smug courtroom ugliness. Oh, and speaking from first hand experience, watch out for compromises in the integrity of the pedestal that is so obviously and currently under construction. It really can be a bitch sometimes!

Please?

I am asking for thoughts and prayers from friends, family, and all my readers today.  

"Taking a stand, putting in the work, and staying persistent while adhering to a good, moral compass and expressing genuine kindness without judgement is all key to my recipe for success today."~AM